Stuck in a coaching rut? Shake it off!

“I‘ve got this stupid song in my head and I can’t get rid of it,” one of my kids said to me the other day.

“I’ve always got a song in my head,” I replied. And it’s true, I do. If you know me at all, you’ll know music is a very important aspect of my life.

For some reason, today’s song – or perhaps I should say ‘guilty pleasure’ – is Shake it Off by Taylor Swift. You know the one:

’Cause the players gonna play, (play, play, play play), and the haters gonna hate, (hate, hate hate, hate). I’m just gonna shake (shake, shake, shake, shake). Shake it off! Shake it off!

And it’s got me thinking about coaching.

No, really.

It’s got me thinking about coaching because at a seminar last week someone said to coach at your developmental edge, you’ve got to “shake off” your existing coaching paradigm. And that is when the song kinda lodged in my brain. Reflecting on their own self-development, they actually said something like this, “As a coach I need to develop reflexive self-awareness to go to the edge of my practice – to a place I’ve not been before, and yet intuitively I know I can. I need to shake off my own paradigm.”

Using creative devices for our own development

And so I thought about the song’s lyrics. It’s amazing how a creative device – such as a song, a picture or some sort of creative process – can shed new light on our thinking and self-reflection.

Consider this lyric from Shake it Off and think for a moment about how your coaching clients experience you as a coach:

Never miss a beat; Lightning on my feet; That’s what they don’t see.

Now consider the next stanza and think for a moment about how you experience yourself when coaching:

Dancing on my own; Make the moves up as I go; That’s what they don’t know.

That seems like flow to me, ease if you will. You are dancing in-the-moment, using your intuition to move to the beat emerging from the coaching dialogue, and your client doesn’t really know what you are doing, how much work you are doing or how much artistry is involved. Rather, they simply experience a great, helpful conversation. Going with the flow, making it up as you go along to suit the music; this is working at your edge.

The risk is that we play it safe

The risk is that we do not find this special place often enough, or even at all. Instead, from fear of being out of our depth, we reach for trusted coaching tools and techniques, or retreat into a defensive position – fight or flight, appease them, collude with them, interpret others’ behaviour from our own biases or slip into ‘rescue’ mode. This is not working at our edge. This is playing it safe.

Tips for working at your edge

Firstly, recognise this defence is a normal response to fear. Slow yourself down. Breathe. I use a mantra to centre and ground myself. Stay curious – be okay with not knowing. Notice what is happening and name it. Take responsibility for your shameful feelings of not being good enough.

You are good enough.

Shake off your coaching paradigm and try something different. You need to practice self-reflection to go to your edge. Take it to supervision – that’s the best place for developing reflexive practice. Supervision can help you build inner strength, see your blind spots and learn through shame.

Trust your intuition and know that you will be okay. Trust yourself.

Or as Ms Swift might say:

I got this music in my mind, singing it’s gonna be alright.

(scroll down)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And now you’ve got that stupid song stuck in your head, am I right?

Sat Nav for your life

Sat Nav for your life

Do you sometimes feel downhearted, overwhelmed or disenfranchised with modern life in a fast-paced city? Are you losing your sense of yourself, your place and community?

“Every day we are engaged in a miracle which we don’t even recognize.” Thich Nhat Hanh, Peace Activist.

We rely on Sat Nav to get us places we want to go in our lives. What if there were a Sat Nav for your life: a simple wellbeing solution to help you become more open-hearted and open-minded and to find the wonder in the everyday, every day?

Take a walk

“Go for a walk – you could discover the meaning of life.” The Guardian.

I’m currently reading Wanderful, by David Pearl. He is the founder of Street Wisdom, a global not-for-profit with a mission to bring inspiration to every street on earth. Several years ago, I experienced my very first Walkshop, and I’ve been running them ever since for groups of people who are looking for fresh answers to their challenges.

It’s a simple technique that anybody can do for themselves, once they’ve been introduced to it.

As part of Leeds Wellbeing Week (March 30th – April 5th, 2020), I am running two such Walkshops:

  • A full, immersive, three-hour version on Tuesday March 30, 13:00 – 16:00, meet at on Leeds Art Gallery steps. Get tickets
  • A shorter introductory Walkshop on Wednesday April 1, 12:30 – 13:30, meet in the Leeds City Art Gallery foyer. This one even fits into your lunchtime! Get tickets

Tune in, slow down, wander

“Find all the answers you need on your doorstep.” The Telegraph.

Both Walkshops involve tuning our senses in to the city streets. Answers are everywhere, you only have to look. In fact, you’ll learn how to look and so you can repeat the technique as a self-coaching exercise in the future.

You will experience heightened awareness emotionally and cognitively, in how you choose to move and of your creativity. That is, we tune up you heart, mind, body and soul to be more aware of the messages the city streets are sending you.

Answers are everywhere… you just have to look

“[People] must necessarily be the active agents of their own well-being and well-doing… they themselves must in the very nature of things be their own best helpers.” Samuel Smiles, author of Self Help , 1859.

If you are seeking inspiration and fresh direction: in work, in life, as you’ll discover, the answers to our questions are right in front of our eyes. We walk past them every day.

Learn how to be your own best helper.

Discover the wisdom of the streets.

Turn on the Sat Nav for your life.

Get tickets: 3-hour Walkshop 1-hour Walkshop

The Beautiful Game of Coaching and how to play it

Commentators have referred to Football (disambiguation: Soccer) as the ‘Beautiful Game’ for generations.

Like football, I think of coaching as a beautiful game – it is free-flowing, exhilarating and emotional, the action moves forward quickly, and anyone can play it almost anywhere. Crucially, the best players are talented and work hard, and also enable those around them to play better. In coaching, this is through mentoring, co-coaching and supervision as well as providing coach training.

So, if coaching were football, what formation would you play?

4 4 2

For me, the defence – comprising a goalkeeper and four defenders – is where coaches provide safety for their client. Your defence is established during the beginnings of coaching – the contracting stage – to provide structure and psychological security throughout the match.

The midfield is where the magic happens. It is the middles of coaching – where following your intuition, paying attention and giving encouragement reside.

The two forwards, well they ‘forward the action’ in pursuit of your client’s goals.

4 1 4 1

That said, 4 4 2 is not a very well balanced formation – you can easily lose control over the game and it’s hard work as the game progresses. The trending formation in football is the 4 1 4 1, as played by my beloved Leeds United.

There are two crucial roles that set this formation apart from the traditional 4 4 2:

A Central Defensive Midfielder (CDM) drops behind the middle four and is the most important player on the field, covering two of the usual midfield roles – a defensive midfielder and the controller of the game. He needs good technical skills, the ability to pass under pressure and great self-awareness of position.

One or two all-action Central Midfielders who have significant defensive and forward roles to play – known as the ability to play ‘box-to-box’. The players become known for making late runs and hitting sweet long shots. In the 4 1 4 1, they line up across the centre of the field with two wingers, leaving one centre forward who can press the action forward or hold up play when necessary, for example when awaiting support from his colleagues in the centre after receiving a long ball.

Suggested coaching formation

In coaching (and supervision), my defence comprises everything in my contracting so that we establish the right ethical stance in the relationship – roles and responsibilities (Equality), Boundaries (time, territory and task), the expression of our feelings (Authenticity), and the safe Place where we hold our discussions. This ‘back four’ provide psychological safety for my client. The last line of defence in any coaching relationship is the must-have goalkeeper, named Confidentiality.

My CDM is Attention. Being fully present, paying undivided attention and listening on a deep level are the skills needed in the central role that plays in front of the back four and allows the coach to control themselves and the game. This deep listening allows coaches to be in the right position at the right time.

The two central midfielders are Intuition and Flow (Ease), who can carry the ball from box-to-box. This provides fluidity by combining defensive duties, such as noticing when boundaries or equality are threatened, with the ability to move forward, for example to notice short and long-range opportunities to target the client’s goal. They are flanked by the wingers of Appreciation and Encouragement.

Together with Challenge as centre forward, the midfield provides up to five players in a forward position to increase my client’s awareness and forward the action.

If your coaching were a football team, what formation would you play and who are your key players?