“I‘ve got this stupid song in my head and I can’t get rid of it,” one of my kids said to me the other day.
“I’ve always got a song in my head,” I replied. And it’s true, I do. If you know me at all, you’ll know music is a very important aspect of my life.
For some reason, today’s song – or perhaps I should say ‘guilty pleasure’ – is Shake it Off by Taylor Swift. You know the one:
’Cause the players gonna play, (play, play, play play), and the haters gonna hate, (hate, hate hate, hate). I’m just gonna shake (shake, shake, shake, shake). Shake it off! Shake it off!
And it’s got me thinking about coaching.
No, really.
It’s got me thinking about coaching because at a seminar last week someone said to coach at your developmental edge, you’ve got to “shake off” your existing coaching paradigm. And that is when the song kinda lodged in my brain. Reflecting on their own self-development, they actually said something like this, “As a coach I need to develop reflexive self-awareness to go to the edge of my practice – to a place I’ve not been before, and yet intuitively I know I can. I need to shake off my own paradigm.”
Using creative devices for our own development
And so I thought about the song’s lyrics. It’s amazing how a creative device – such as a song, a picture or some sort of creative process – can shed new light on our thinking and self-reflection.
Consider this lyric from Shake it Off and think for a moment about how your coaching clients experience you as a coach:
Never miss a beat; Lightning on my feet; That’s what they don’t see.
Now consider the next stanza and think for a moment about how you experience yourself when coaching:
Dancing on my own; Make the moves up as I go; That’s what they don’t know.
That seems like flow to me, ease if you will. You are dancing in-the-moment, using your intuition to move to the beat emerging from the coaching dialogue, and your client doesn’t really know what you are doing, how much work you are doing or how much artistry is involved. Rather, they simply experience a great, helpful conversation. Going with the flow, making it up as you go along to suit the music; this is working at your edge.
The risk is that we play it safe
The risk is that we do not find this special place often enough, or even at all. Instead, from fear of being out of our depth, we reach for trusted coaching tools and techniques, or retreat into a defensive position – fight or flight, appease them, collude with them, interpret others’ behaviour from our own biases or slip into ‘rescue’ mode. This is not working at our edge. This is playing it safe.
Tips for working at your edge
Firstly, recognise this defence is a normal response to fear. Slow yourself down. Breathe. I use a mantra to centre and ground myself. Stay curious – be okay with not knowing. Notice what is happening and name it. Take responsibility for your shameful feelings of not being good enough.
You are good enough.
Shake off your coaching paradigm and try something different. You need to practice self-reflection to go to your edge. Take it to supervision – that’s the best place for developing reflexive practice. Supervision can help you build inner strength, see your blind spots and learn through shame.
Trust your intuition and know that you will be okay. Trust yourself.
Or as Ms Swift might say:
I got this music in my mind, singing it’s gonna be alright.
(scroll down)
And now you’ve got that stupid song stuck in your head, am I right?
Do you sometimes feel downhearted, overwhelmed or disenfranchised with modern life in a fast-paced city? Are you losing your sense of yourself, your place and community?
“Every day we are engaged in a miracle which we don’t even recognize.” Thich Nhat Hanh, Peace Activist.
We rely on Sat Nav to get us places we want to go in our lives. What if there were a Sat Nav for your life: a simple wellbeing solution to help you become more open-hearted and open-minded and to find the wonder in the everyday, every day?
Take a walk
“Go for a walk – you could discover the meaning of life.” The Guardian.
I’m currently reading Wanderful, by David Pearl. He is the founder of Street Wisdom, a global not-for-profit with a mission to bring inspiration to every street on earth. Several years ago, I experienced my very first Walkshop, and I’ve been running them ever since for groups of people who are looking for fresh answers to their challenges.
It’s a simple technique that anybody can do for themselves, once they’ve been introduced to it.
As part of Leeds Wellbeing Week (March 30th – April 5th, 2020), I am running two such Walkshops:
A full, immersive, three-hour version on Tuesday March 30, 13:00 – 16:00, meet at on Leeds Art Gallery steps. Get tickets
A shorter introductory Walkshop on Wednesday April 1, 12:30 – 13:30, meet in the Leeds City Art Gallery foyer. This one even fits into your lunchtime! Get tickets
Tune in, slow down, wander
“Find all the answers you need on your doorstep.” The Telegraph.
Both Walkshops involve tuning our senses in to the city streets. Answers are everywhere, you only have to look. In fact, you’ll learn how to look and so you can repeat the technique as a self-coaching exercise in the future.
You will experience heightened awareness emotionally and cognitively, in how you choose to move and of your creativity. That is, we tune up you heart, mind, body and soul to be more aware of the messages the city streets are sending you.
Answers are everywhere… you just have to look
“[People] must necessarily be the active agents of their own well-being and well-doing… they themselves must in the very nature of things be their own best helpers.” Samuel Smiles, author of Self Help , 1859.
If you are seeking inspiration and fresh direction: in work, in life, as you’ll discover, the answers to our questions are right in front of our eyes. We walk past them every day.
Commentators have referred to Football (disambiguation: Soccer) as the ‘Beautiful Game’ for generations.
Like football, I think of coaching as a beautiful game – it is free-flowing, exhilarating and emotional, the action moves forward quickly, and anyone can play it almost anywhere. Crucially, the best players are talented and work hard, and also enable those around them to play better. In coaching, this is through mentoring, co-coaching and supervision as well as providing coach training.
So, if coaching were football, what formation would you play?
4 4 2
For me, the defence – comprising a goalkeeper and four defenders – is where coaches provide safety for their client. Your defence is established during the beginnings of coaching – the contracting stage – to provide structure and psychological security throughout the match.
The midfield is where the magic happens. It is the middles of coaching – where following your intuition, paying attention and giving encouragement reside.
The two forwards, well they ‘forward the action’ in pursuit of your client’s goals.
4 1 4 1
That said, 4 4 2 is not a very well balanced formation – you can easily lose control over the game and it’s hard work as the game progresses. The trending formation in football is the 4 1 4 1, as played by my beloved Leeds United.
There are two crucial roles that set this formation apart from the traditional 4 4 2:
A Central Defensive Midfielder (CDM) drops behind the middle four and is the most important player on the field, covering two of the usual midfield roles – a defensive midfielder and the controller of the game. He needs good technical skills, the ability to pass under pressure and great self-awareness of position.
One or two all-action Central Midfielders who have significant defensive and forward roles to play – known as the ability to play ‘box-to-box’. The players become known for making late runs and hitting sweet long shots. In the 4 1 4 1, they line up across the centre of the field with two wingers, leaving one centre forward who can press the action forward or hold up play when necessary, for example when awaiting support from his colleagues in the centre after receiving a long ball.
Suggested coaching formation
In coaching (and supervision), my defence comprises everything in my contracting so that we establish the right ethical stance in the relationship – roles and responsibilities (Equality), Boundaries (time, territory and task), the expression of our feelings (Authenticity), and the safe Place where we hold our discussions. This ‘back four’ provide psychological safety for my client. The last line of defence in any coaching relationship is the must-have goalkeeper, named Confidentiality.
My CDM is Attention. Being fully present, paying undivided attention and listening on a deep level are the skills needed in the central role that plays in front of the back four and allows the coach to control themselves and the game. This deep listening allows coaches to be in the right position at the right time.
The two central midfielders are Intuition and Flow (Ease), who can carry the ball from box-to-box. This provides fluidity by combining defensive duties, such as noticing when boundaries or equality are threatened, with the ability to move forward, for example to notice short and long-range opportunities to target the client’s goal. They are flanked by the wingers of Appreciation and Encouragement.
Together with Challenge as centre forward, the midfield provides up to five players in a forward position to increase my client’s awareness and forward the action.
If your coaching were a football team, what formation would you play and who are your key players?
What is coaching? What does it entail? Is it necessarily complicated? Or can you keep coaching simple?
As professional coaches, we have studied coaching and we continue to study it to enhance our practice and professional development.
What is coaching?
As such, we encounter many techniques and approaches. Here’s a few that come to mind: clean language, balance, life coaching, goal planning, self-belief, neuro-linguistic programming, transactional analysis, co-active coaching, GROW, OSKAR, SIMPLE, the differences between executive coaching and life coaching, business coaching and performance coaching, career coaching, evoking choice, generating responsibility, provocative coaching, Theory U, The Wheel of Life, being a thinking partner, the reality check, well-formed outcomes, neurological levels, parallel processes, projection, transference, resilience, incisive questioning, Level III listening, mirroring, reflecting, mindfulness, paradoxical intentions, therapy, Street Wisdom, the Gestalt cycle of experience, MBIT, Mindfulness, Total Dutch Coaching, …
Okay I made that last one up, but you see my point? There’s potentially a lot to consider.
Also, whilst deliberating all these choices that might inform the killer coaching question to ask next, the coach must also remain humble, calm and highly self-aware; a curious, focused, expert helper who models aspects of what she is coaching (performance, life balance, resilience, etc).
Blimey!
It’s no wonder coaches are still and reflective. They are sitting there processing all of that!
Oh yes, and remember coaches are usually highly experienced professionals who have mountains of advice, anecdotes and experience to share, but No! You aren’t allowed to do that as it would be directive and might cross a professional boundary into counselling, consulting or management. Nor can you become a crutch or a buddy or friend.
Have you stopped to consider these challenges recently? Do we need to have all these choices in our heads or should we focus on one approach, one type of coaching? Perhaps listening is enough.
I am reminded of Aesop’s fable The Fox and The Cat: A fox and a cat are discussing their approach for evading danger. The fox, known for his cunning, boasts of having hundreds of tricks and deceptions, whereas the cat confesses to having only one. When the hunters and hounds arrive, the cat quickly runs up a tree. The fox is caught out deliberating which of his clever strategies to pursue and falls prey to the dogs.
Perhaps, like the fox, you have many techniques in your coaching kitbag; perhaps our challenge as coaches is to “be more cat”, and rely on ourselves in-the-moment?
Methinks there is a lot to be said for keeping things simple.
How do you know how to choose the right executive coach for you?
Helpfully, we are now in a world where executive coaching is seen as an investment in organisational success. Gone are the days when you were told you needed a coach and that was not necessarily a good thing. Unhelpfully, there are hundreds of coaching niches and thousands upon thousands of coaches out there, and there is no unified code or standard for executive coaching. How do you know how to choose the right one for you?
Curiously, seeking guidance on this from that most ubiquitous source of information, the World Wide Web, yields a myriad of advice that seems to me to be somewhat skewed towards that particular giver of advice-who-just-so-happens-to-be-an-executive-coach themselves!
Before you read on I have something to declare: I am too an executive coach.
However my advice to you is simple: Use you head, heart and gut to make your choice.
Use your head
Your coach needs be able to work with the outcomes you are seeking. For example, it’s no use selecting a business development coach if you have writers’ block. Look for someone with proven experience in the areas you want to work on, evidenced by testimonials, who can evidence relevant successes in the real world and evidence over what timeframe that happened. Then understand how they will get to know you, your context and your challenges. This may be someone from the same industry background if that is important to you, or maybe not; sometimes a fresh perspective can be, well, refreshing.
More importantly understand their process for understanding you: for example, are you going to be inundated with psychometric questionnaires (high focus on the coach’s process), or simply listened to (low focus on the coach’s process, high focus on you)? You might also want to know your coach is in coaching themselves and that they have qualifications and/or accreditation from one of the coaching bodies such as the International Coach Federation, the Association for Coaching, the European Mentoring and Coaching Council or the Academy of Executive Coaching (other coaching bodies are available!) Such bodies have codes of ethics such as requiring coaches to be under professional supervision.
Listen to your heart
Coaches are there to help you make better choices in whatever you are seeking to change. Different coaches will do this in very different ways; they might work anywhere on a spectrum from non-directive through to directive; from purely accepting you as you are by listening deeply to you, through to confronting your challenges and helping you learn how to learn new ways of doing and being; from gently evoking change within you to robustly provoking you to do things differently.
That your needs will be matched by their process is very important. If you choose an accepting/listening coach, you are likely to have some great conversations, but they might not have much purpose. Choosing a provocative coach may be too challenging. This is a careful balance that just using your head will not resolve. You will only work though this by talking with them or having a sample coaching session from them. Look out for their ability to listen deeply and accept you as you are, go beyond listening by helping you face the challenges you have, and enable you to make better choices.
That coaches must keep your conversations confidential is a must-have. As is building trust between you. The best way to assess the relationship you seek with your coach, is to meet with them perhaps several times before committing to the contract. If you only use your head, you might miss whether the chemistry is right or not.
Go with your gut
Not all coaching relationships gel. Coaches often hear, “My last coach didn’t work out, I should have gone with my instinct.” So yes, use your head and listen to your heart.
How do you know how to choose the right executive coach for you? Ultimately something down inside your gut will let you know you’ve picked the right coach.
Since 2014, I have had what I consider to be a successful independent career. It has been a rollercoaster and I wouldn’t change it for any alternative. I’m currently a self-employed OD consultant, executive coach and facilitator, a part-time lecturer, an occasional DJ, a volunteer Street Wizard and a trustee of a small charity. Just now, I’m also launching my new coach supervisor brand, Grow the Coach.
Setting up your own business and all that goes with it can be daunting. I did it six years ago and with Grow the Coach I’m doing it again now. Here are the 10 things I wish someone had told me as I look back over my journey so far…
Who is you target client, what do they need and what can you do for them?
Be VERY clear about the skills and experience you have to offer. How can you best utilise them to solve problems for potential clients in a way that allows you to spend time doing more of the work you most enjoy?
Be EVEN MORE clear about who your ideal client is – if you target everyone, you target no one. You can spend many long days, weeks and even months chasing the wrong clients.
If you can match client needs with your offer, you can decide what this means for how you work: part-time, contract, interim, consultant, etc. It may be several similar roles, or a mix of different roles at the same time. This mix is likely to change over time, so be prepared to be flexible. I was staunchly a “freelance consultant” when I started. I’ve since been an associate for other firms, an employee, part-time interim, won bids with my own brand and sub-contracted work to others, taken on a zero-hours contract, volunteered, offered pro bono professional services and now I’m establishing a self-employed brand with no company. You do what is right for you and your prospective clients.
Working hours and pricing
Start by calculating many hours you are committed to work and how many of these are likely to be paid. Then think about your charging rates. How much income do you need to live? Divide this by the number of paid hours you expect to work and see how the resulting hourly or day rate compares to the market. Another method is to take your headline final annualised full-time equivalent salary and knock two zeros off the end. That’s roughly your starting day rate. £50k translates to £500 per day as an independent; £80k to £800; etc.
Business structure, regulatory and legal implications
Decide on the most appropriate business structure – whether to operate as a limited company or on a self- employed basis – and understand the tax implications, including IR35. Some roles might be on a PAYE basis. I’ve done them all.
Professional indemnity and other insurances may be necessary. I use Hiscox, many other providers are available.
Finding work is a multi-channel approach
Networking – maintain contact with your existing networks and get out there to explore new ones. Get ready to kiss a lot of toads – it really is a numbers game, especially to start with. Also leverage your social media networks: I have secured work through LinkedIn and Twitter just by getting into the right conversations. Then get your elevator pitch ready. I find asking questions is more powerful than pitching your offer. Sort your LinkedIn profile out. Do you need a website? How will you interact with social media channels, for example will you be blogging, tweeting, etc.? The key to networking is to offer something of value even if you can’t see an immediate return. You are building your profile and reputation as someone who can make a difference.
For employed roles, use job boards and for contract work and interim placements only, use recruitment agents. You’ll kiss a lot of toads here too. Agents are not the people to help you find part-time work or genuine consulting work, IMHO. You can also bid for public sector contracts using portals, if you have the energy to submit to the laborious application processes. I’ve bid for several, won one and now given up even looking.
Seek out associate relationships – where larger firms sell work and sub-contract it out to independents. This is still a large part of my business, although after a few years, my own work took over in terms of relative income and the work’s importance to me.
Keep on top of your game
It’s even more important than ever to keep up to date with your discipline, so consider taking more memberships of industry groups and professional practice forums, get a coach, mentor or supervisor, and consider your continuing professional development. Write some articles.
And finally, three more things that are useful to know and remember…
You will feel lost, vulnerable and exhilarated … often all at once!
Don’t underestimate the amount of time you will spend on admin and unpaid business development.
Learn to say “No” if it the work offered is not in your sweet spot. Only when you say “No” does your “Yes” mean something.
It’s a rollercoaster. Get ready for the ride of your life!
We are running Street Wisdom at Leeds Wellbeing Week, March 24, 2018 – FREE (booking essential)
“[People] must necessarily be the active agents of their own well-being and well-doing… they themselves must in the very nature of things be their own best helpers.”
– Samuel Smiles, author of Self Help , 1859
What is the purpose of being if not to discover truths and insights that are obscured by day-to-day concerns? Street Wisdom gives participants the skills to see the urban environment in a new way, ask a question and use the answers they discover to move forwards in life with a greater sense of wellbeing.
“The concept of creativeness and the concept of the healthy, self-actualizing, fully human person seem to be coming closer and closer together and may perhaps turn out to be the same thing”
– Abraham Maslow, Psychologist
What is the purpose of being if not to be happy and inspired in our own lives? Street Wisdom is a global, not-for-profit social enterprise with a mission to bring inspiration to every street on earth.
“Recognising that you are not where you want to be is a starting point to begin changing your life”
– Deborah Day, Author of Be Happy Now, 2010
Led by Jeremy Lewis, an experienced coach and professional Street Wizard, Street Wisdom will enable you to find inspiration by wandering through the City’s streets. Why wait for escape to exotic destinations when inspiration can be found on your own doorstep? Street Wisdom shows you how.
How it works
It’s very simple – that’s because Street Wisdom have been refining the process for years.
Tune Up. Quest. Share.
First, your Street Guide helps you and your group tune up your senses so you can pick up much more information from the urban environment that you would normally.
Then you’re off on a journey by yourself – your street quest – where you ask a question and see what answers present themselves.
Finally, you gather together again to share what happened and, more often than not, wonder at how magical an ordinary street can become when you’re really aware of those hidden messages, chance meetings and unexpected discoveries.
The whole event lasts three hours. Meet on the steps of Leeds Art Gallery, The Headrow, at 13:00.
Street Wisdom, November 4, Leeds, FREE, booking essential
Discover the wisdom of the streets
“[People] must necessarily be the active agents of their own well-being and well-doing… they themselves must in the very nature of things be their own best helpers.”
– Samuel Smiles, author of Self Help , 1859
What is the purpose of being if not to discover truths and insights that are obscured by day-to-day concerns? Street Wisdom gives participants the skills to see the urban environment in a new way, ask a question and use the answers they discover to move forwards in life with a greater sense of wellbeing.
“The concept of creativeness and the concept of the healthy, self-actualizing, fully human person seem to be coming closer and closer together and may perhaps turn out to be the same thing”
– Abraham Maslow, Psychologist
What is the purpose of being if not to be happy and inspired in our own lives? Street Wisdom is a global, not-for-profit social enterprise with a mission to bring inspiration to every street on earth.
“Recognising that you are not where you want to be is a starting point to begin changing your life”
– Deborah Day, Author of Be Happy Now, 2010
Led by Jeremy Lewis, an experienced coach and professional Street Wizard, Street Wisdom will enable you to find inspiration by wandering through the City’s streets. Why wait for escape to exotic destinations when inspiration can be found on your own doorstep? Street Wisdom shows you how.
In SMEs and charities, coaching others is probably the most cost-effective thing you can do to improve performance. It helps identify solutions to specific work-related issues. It allows fuller use of people’s talents. And it demonstrates your commitment to the individuals in your team and their personal development.
This half-day workshop will help you develop coaching skills as a management style. It is ideal for anyone interested in understanding how to use coaching or a coaching style to improve performance and help people develop in their own organisation.
Learning outcomes include:
Δ Understand what a coaching style means and how it might be used every day
Δ Review some key frameworks and tools so you can start managing people differently
Δ Practise the skills needed to coach effectively at work.
Booking
Venue:
Hurol Ozcan Enterprise Centre
Leeds Trinity University
Brownberrie Lane
Horsforth
Leeds
LS18 5HD
Date: 1st November 2017
Time: 09:30 – 12:45 (arrival from 09:00)
Price: FREE
Directions:
Use LS18 5HD for SatNav, free parking if attending the Leeds Trinity Business Network, otherwise pay and display charges apply
I had the pleasure of exploring silence with a group of fellow coaches recently, facilitated ably by my colleague Ian Smith. We concluded silence can be a gift, as it is received and understood by different people differently.
We experimented with silence to reflect on what silence meant, and then shared our thinking. For the most part, the participants in this reflective discussion viewed silence as a positive thing, as it gives others time and space to think and reflect. I was curious. I see certain instances of silence as being quite destructive; those uncomfortable silences, when something needs to be said, but no one is saying it. Like the silence that is taken as acquiescence in a meeting, but as soon as the meeting is over, people rebel and do not follow through with what was “agreed”. Like the silence that leads to Groupthink. Perhaps like the silence that ignores the ‘elephant in the room’.
Three levels of silence
This inspired me to research the current thinking out there in the blogosphere about silence. I only found positive interpretations of silence. Silence is often categorised into several levels. I found examples of up to 12 levels. This I find excessive, although I also find it excessive that the Eskimo-Aleut languages have 50 words for snow.
Sensible categorisations of silence appear to fall into three levels:
The absence of sound
A disinterest in external activity, where the mind is focused inwards
A deep inner silence brought on through meditation, in pursuit of oneness and total contentment.
There is now a Level Zero
[Children’s movie spoiler alert]
Po: Lets just start at zero; Level Zero. Shifu: Oh no. There is no such thing as Level Zero.
Thus starts the scene in Kung Fu Panda, where our hero, the overweight panda Po, begins his journey to enlightenment. After Po hits a children’s punchbag and is sent flying into moving ropes and swinging pendulums, he endures being deposited into a tilting bowl, where he hits his head several times until the bowl tips over and sets off a chain reaction that causes swinging arms to smack him in the groin and then knock him violently into a fire pit. He slumps over next to his Sensei, Shifu, burned and charred.
Po: How did I do? Shifu: There is now a Level Zero.
I propose four levels of silence for your consideration:
0. Uncomfortable silence
1. Comfortable silence
2. Reflective silence
3. Deep silence.
Level 0: uncomfortable silence
Uncomfortable silence arises through fear of being isolated because you have a different opinion from the majority. This is closely aligned to Elisabeth Noelle-Neumann’s ideas in the Spiral of Silence. People tend to remain silent for fear of social exclusion when they have a minority opinion that might challenge the group’s dominant idea. They must constantly use energy to assess the climate in a social group and may choose to remain silent or ‘lose their voice’, especially if they have been criticised in the past. This does not apply to those (at the top of Noelle-Neumann’s spiral) who are hardcore nonconformists or who represent the Avant-Garde. Such people are less likely to remain silent.
The advent of the Internet has also arguably lowered this type of silence online, where people with minority (often extremist) views are likely to seek out others of similar views and use chat rooms to find their voice. Such folk can also benefit from the anonymity of the Internet, which lowers the fear of reprisal, and has led to an uprising in airtime for controversial views.
In a workplace context, uncomfortable silence represents a denial of responsibility, allowing undiscussable topics to remain undiscussable, and ultimately degenerates into a ‘snakepit’ organisation, where people retreat into their silos and protect themselves against attack from each other.
Level 1: comfortable silence
The main problem with silence is that we do not know what it means when it happens. Is the silence uncomfortable: a denial of responsibility, or comfortable: a true agreement to what is being discussed?
Comfortable silence happens when we are happy together, perhaps lost in our own thoughts and not needing to fill the silence with words. We are comfortable with the people we are with. This is a passive silence.
I suggest this is only possible if there are no hidden assumptions. Very close friends and life partners can achieve this level of silence.
In the workplace, achieving this level of silence requires good facilitation to reveal hidden assumptions, discuss the undiscussables, explore the elephant in the room, etc. This is necessarily not a silent activity and such facilitation may well move people quickly to level 2 silence.
Level 2: Reflective silence
Reflective silence is when you have the space and time to think. As an individual, you would be well-advised to carve out time in your busy schedule to do this, or perhaps to use the services of a coach to gift you such time and space.
Level 2 silence becomes timeless, lost in your own thoughts. You become disinterested in external activity, your mind is turned inwards. You achieve a quietness inside, regardless of the external sounds. It requires stillness, and yet is an active silence.
In the workplace, a good facilitator or group coach can gift you time and space to think as a team.
Level 3: Deep silence
Deep silence has its traditions in several ancient world religions, such as Zen Practice and Monastic Silence. It is a silence that can be achieved through deep meditation. You may well practise mindful meditation already, focusing on what is happening right now. This does not require external silence. In fact, deep silence is the pursuit of total oneness, total contentment and inner silence, regardless of any external sounds. It is also possible regardless of what you are doing. Deep silence does not require stillness, and yet is a passive silence
Conclusion
I tentatively suggest the following framework:
In the workplace, issues arise when silence is misunderstood. When people push their own views, they demonstrate a ‘stay in control’ or ‘win, don’t lose’ mindset. When silence follows, they may incorrectly assume agreement. A more purposive mindset is to stay curious, adopt the ‘and’ stance (rather than the ‘but’ stance). This can help to surface hidden assumptions, and allow people the space and time to find their voice.
The workplace goal is to move silence from being an active pursuit of denial, towards awareness of the silence and active pursuit of renewal. This moves people’s energy from denying responsibility to surfacing hidden assumptions, to discussing the undiscussable. It requires meetings to include the space and time to think, so that people can engage in the meaningful activity aligned to the organisation’s purpose. It means people can find their voice and take more accountability.
