Category Archives: Supervision

Stuck in a coaching rut? Shake it off!

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“I‘ve got this stupid song in my head and I can’t get rid of it,” one of my kids said to me the other day.

“I’ve always got a song in my head,” I replied. And it’s true, I do. If you know me at all, you’ll know music is a very important aspect of my life.

For some reason, today’s song – or perhaps I should say ‘guilty pleasure’ – is Shake it Off by Taylor Swift. You know the one:

’Cause the players gonna play, (play, play, play play), and the haters gonna hate, (hate, hate hate, hate). I’m just gonna shake (shake, shake, shake, shake). Shake it off! Shake it off!

And it’s got me thinking about coaching.

No, really.

It’s got me thinking about coaching because at a seminar last week someone said to coach at your developmental edge, you’ve got to “shake off” your existing coaching paradigm. And that is when the song kinda lodged in my brain. Reflecting on their own self-development, they actually said something like this, “As a coach I need to develop reflexive self-awareness to go to the edge of my practice – to a place I’ve not been before, and yet intuitively I know I can. I need to shake off my own paradigm.”

Using creative devices for our own development

And so I thought about the song’s lyrics. It’s amazing how a creative device – such as a song, a picture or some sort of creative process – can shed new light on our thinking and self-reflection.

Consider this lyric from Shake it Off and think for a moment about how your coaching clients experience you as a coach:

Never miss a beat; Lightning on my feet; That’s what they don’t see.

Now consider the next stanza and think for a moment about how you experience yourself when coaching:

Dancing on my own; Make the moves up as I go; That’s what they don’t know.

That seems like flow to me, ease if you will. You are dancing in-the-moment, using your intuition to move to the beat emerging from the coaching dialogue, and your client doesn’t really know what you are doing, how much work you are doing or how much artistry is involved. Rather, they simply experience a great, helpful conversation. Going with the flow, making it up as you go along to suit the music; this is working at your edge.

The risk is that we play it safe

The risk is that we do not find this special place often enough, or even at all. Instead, from fear of being out of our depth, we reach for trusted coaching tools and techniques, or retreat into a defensive position – fight or flight, appease them, collude with them, interpret others’ behaviour from our own biases or slip into ‘rescue’ mode. This is not working at our edge. This is playing it safe.

Tips for working at your edge

Firstly, recognise this defence is a normal response to fear. Slow yourself down. Breathe. I use a mantra to centre and ground myself. Stay curious – be okay with not knowing. Notice what is happening and name it. Take responsibility for your shameful feelings of not being good enough.

You are good enough.

Shake off your coaching paradigm and try something different. You need to practice self-reflection to go to your edge. Take it to supervision – that’s the best place for developing reflexive practice. Supervision can help you build inner strength, see your blind spots and learn through shame.

Trust your intuition and know that you will be okay. Trust yourself.

Or as Ms Swift might say:

I got this music in my mind, singing it’s gonna be alright.

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And now you’ve got that stupid song stuck in your head, am I right?

The Beautiful Game of Coaching and how to play it

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Commentators have referred to Football (disambiguation: Soccer) as the ‘Beautiful Game’ for generations.

Like football, I think of coaching as a beautiful game – it is free-flowing, exhilarating and emotional, the action moves forward quickly, and anyone can play it almost anywhere. Crucially, the best players are talented and work hard, and also enable those around them to play better. In coaching, this is through mentoring, co-coaching and supervision as well as providing coach training.

So, if coaching were football, what formation would you play?

4 4 2

For me, the defence – comprising a goalkeeper and four defenders – is where coaches provide safety for their client. Your defence is established during the beginnings of coaching – the contracting stage – to provide structure and psychological security throughout the match.

The midfield is where the magic happens. It is the middles of coaching – where following your intuition, paying attention and giving encouragement reside.

The two forwards, well they ‘forward the action’ in pursuit of your client’s goals.

4 1 4 1

That said, 4 4 2 is not a very well balanced formation – you can easily lose control over the game and it’s hard work as the game progresses. The trending formation in football is the 4 1 4 1, as played by my beloved Leeds United.

There are two crucial roles that set this formation apart from the traditional 4 4 2:

A Central Defensive Midfielder (CDM) drops behind the middle four and is the most important player on the field, covering two of the usual midfield roles – a defensive midfielder and the controller of the game. He needs good technical skills, the ability to pass under pressure and great self-awareness of position.

One or two all-action Central Midfielders who have significant defensive and forward roles to play – known as the ability to play ‘box-to-box’. The players become known for making late runs and hitting sweet long shots. In the 4 1 4 1, they line up across the centre of the field with two wingers, leaving one centre forward who can press the action forward or hold up play when necessary, for example when awaiting support from his colleagues in the centre after receiving a long ball.

Suggested coaching formation

In coaching (and supervision), my defence comprises everything in my contracting so that we establish the right ethical stance in the relationship – roles and responsibilities (Equality), Boundaries (time, territory and task), the expression of our feelings (Authenticity), and the safe Place where we hold our discussions. This ‘back four’ provide psychological safety for my client. The last line of defence in any coaching relationship is the must-have goalkeeper, named Confidentiality.

My CDM is Attention. Being fully present, paying undivided attention and listening on a deep level are the skills needed in the central role that plays in front of the back four and allows the coach to control themselves and the game. This deep listening allows coaches to be in the right position at the right time.

The two central midfielders are Intuition and Flow (Ease), who can carry the ball from box-to-box. This provides fluidity by combining defensive duties, such as noticing when boundaries or equality are threatened, with the ability to move forward, for example to notice short and long-range opportunities to target the client’s goal. They are flanked by the wingers of Appreciation and Encouragement.

Together with Challenge as centre forward, the midfield provides up to five players in a forward position to increase my client’s awareness and forward the action.

If your coaching were a football team, what formation would you play and who are your key players?

Are you a fox or a cat… can you keep coaching simple?

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What is coaching? What does it entail? Is it necessarily complicated? Or can you keep coaching simple?

As professional coaches, we have studied coaching and we continue to study it to enhance our practice and professional development.

What is coaching?

As such, we encounter many techniques and approaches. Here’s a few that come to mind: clean language, balance, life coaching, goal planning, self-belief, neuro-linguistic programming, transactional analysis, co-active coaching, GROW, OSKAR, SIMPLE, the differences between executive coaching and life coaching, business coaching and performance coaching, career coaching, evoking choice, generating responsibility, provocative coaching, Theory U, The Wheel of Life, being a thinking partner, the reality check, well-formed outcomes, neurological levels, parallel processes, projection, transference, resilience, incisive questioning, Level III listening, mirroring, reflecting, mindfulness, paradoxical intentions, therapy, Street Wisdom, the Gestalt cycle of experience, MBIT, Mindfulness, Total Dutch Coaching, …

Okay I made that last one up, but you see my point? There’s potentially a lot to consider.

Also, whilst deliberating all these choices that might inform the killer coaching question to ask next, the coach must also remain humble, calm and highly self-aware; a curious, focused, expert helper who models aspects of what she is coaching (performance, life balance, resilience, etc).

Blimey!

It’s no wonder coaches are still and reflective. They are sitting there processing all of that!

Oh yes, and remember coaches are usually highly experienced professionals who have mountains of advice, anecdotes and experience to share, but No! You aren’t allowed to do that as it would be directive and might cross a professional boundary into counselling, consulting or management. Nor can you become a crutch or a buddy or friend.

Have you stopped to consider these challenges recently? Do we need to have all these choices in our heads or should we focus on one approach, one type of coaching? Perhaps listening is enough.

I am reminded of Aesop’s fable The Fox and The Cat: A fox and a cat are discussing their approach for evading danger. The fox, known for his cunning, boasts of having hundreds of tricks and deceptions, whereas the cat confesses to having only one. When the hunters and hounds arrive, the cat quickly runs up a tree. The fox is caught out deliberating which of his clever strategies to pursue and falls prey to the dogs.

Perhaps, like the fox, you have many techniques in your coaching kitbag; perhaps our challenge as coaches is to “be more cat”, and rely on ourselves in-the-moment?

Methinks there is a lot to be said for keeping things simple.

10 things I wish I had known before starting my independent consulting and coaching career

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Since 2014, I have had what I consider to be a successful independent career. It has been a rollercoaster and I wouldn’t change it for any alternative. I’m currently a self-employed OD consultant, executive coach and facilitator, a part-time lecturer, an occasional DJ, a volunteer Street Wizard and a trustee of a small charity. Just now, I’m also launching my new coach supervisor brand, Grow the Coach.

Setting up your own business and all that goes with it can be daunting. I did it six years ago and with Grow the Coach I’m doing it again now. Here are the 10 things I wish someone had told me as I look back over my journey so far…

Who is you target client, what do they need and what can you do for them?

  1. Be VERY clear about the skills and experience you have to offer. How can you best utilise them to solve problems for potential clients in a way that allows you to spend time doing more of the work you most enjoy?
  2. Be EVEN MORE clear about who your ideal client is – if you target everyone, you target no one. You can spend many long days, weeks and even months chasing the wrong clients.
  3. If you can match client needs with your offer, you can decide what this means for how you work: part-time, contract, interim, consultant, etc. It may be several similar roles, or a mix of different roles at the same time. This mix is likely to change over time, so be prepared to be flexible. I was staunchly a “freelance consultant” when I started. I’ve since been an associate for other firms, an employee, part-time interim, won bids with my own brand and sub-contracted work to others, taken on a zero-hours contract, volunteered, offered pro bono professional services and now I’m establishing a self-employed brand with no company. You do what is right for you and your prospective clients.

Working hours and pricing

  1. Start by calculating many hours you are committed to work and how many of these are likely to be paid. Then think about your charging rates. How much income do you need to live? Divide this by the number of paid hours you expect to work and see how the resulting hourly or day rate compares to the market. Another method is to take your headline final annualised full-time equivalent salary and knock two zeros off the end. That’s roughly your starting day rate. £50k translates to £500 per day as an independent; £80k to £800; etc.

Business structure, regulatory and legal implications

  1. Decide on the most appropriate business structure – whether to operate as a limited company or on a self- employed basis – and understand the tax implications, including IR35. Some roles might be on a PAYE basis. I’ve done them all.
  2. Professional indemnity and other insurances may be necessary. I use Hiscox, many other providers are available.

Finding work is a multi-channel approach

  1. Networking – maintain contact with your existing networks and get out there to explore new ones. Get ready to kiss a lot of toads – it really is a numbers game, especially to start with. Also leverage your social media networks: I have secured work through LinkedIn and Twitter just by getting into the right conversations. Then get your elevator pitch ready. I find asking questions is more powerful than pitching your offer. Sort your LinkedIn profile out. Do you need a website? How will you interact with social media channels, for example will you be blogging, tweeting, etc.? The key to networking is to offer something of value even if you can’t see an immediate return. You are building your profile and reputation as someone who can make a difference.
  2. For employed roles, use job boards and for contract work and interim placements only, use recruitment agents. You’ll kiss a lot of toads here too. Agents are not the people to help you find part-time work or genuine consulting work, IMHO. You can also bid for public sector contracts using portals, if you have the energy to submit to the laborious application processes. I’ve bid for several, won one and now given up even looking.
  3. Seek out associate relationships – where larger firms sell work and sub-contract it out to independents. This is still a large part of my business, although after a few years, my own work took over in terms of relative income and the work’s importance to me.

Keep on top of your game

  1. It’s even more important than ever to keep up to date with your discipline, so consider taking more memberships of industry groups and professional practice forums, get a coach, mentor or supervisor, and consider your continuing professional development. Write some articles.

And finally, three more things that are useful to know and remember…

  • You will feel lost, vulnerable and exhilarated … often all at once!
  • Don’t underestimate the amount of time you will spend on admin and unpaid business development.
  • Learn to say “No” if it the work offered is not in your sweet spot. Only when you say “No” does your “Yes” mean something.

It’s a rollercoaster. Get ready for the ride of your life!

Jeremy J Lewis